Dissolving the margins
The borders between you and
not you and
everything in between are too thin
painfully thin. You feel every hair
every fissure of the not you.
Every moment you blink with the eyes that are not
yours and breathe with someone else’s lungs
You die get born give birth and die again
the endless times during
the day and night
all the relentless hours of now
Here is everywhere
You have no edges left
The you is stretched through every moment and every place
That person at the table to your left, his fingers on the glass of water – you feel the startling coolness of the perspiring glass, you feel his aching right molar and you connive at delaying a visit to the dentist yet again, his trickle of sweat is running down your backs and his thirst makes you gasp for water.
You feel bile rising in yourhis throat because of this unrelenting proximity
on Friday, the 2nd September, Margaret Street Birmingham.
the moment of total clarity when
everything that is and
everything that is not and
would never be
becomes clear, you get overwhelmed with understanding and familiarity of all, and love and the grief of knowledge
only a moment – blisteringly
liquid nitrogen pouring down the eyesthroatnose
the knowledge is wiped clean – not a sliver of knowledge or understanding that overtook the whole being remains.
no memory left but a memory of a memory, the nostalgia for the unremembered.
trying to find it again and again; it is on the verge of recognition
a forever distant horizon.
oil on gessoed board
This is what it feels like: one moment you think you actually have got it all in hand (paintings are finished, well as far as they can be, and even dry; transport arranged; critical evaluation started…) and then you suddenly face the fact that that is it: ten days left and your work will have to stand on its own, and two years of your life will be examined and given a mark… And a wave of sheer panic engulfes you.
I am thinking about the name for what I am doing for the MA show. the title I cam us with is Dissolving the Margins. it started off as Dissolving Margins, but I feel the inclusion of the definite article makes the title more active (from the adjectival to verbal).
I have published this drawing before but it works here as an illustration.
#strangeattractors #BCU #MA
The perpetual question when I am painting
…I discovered Coeruleum pigment inside Scarlet Lake tube… Help
It is so hot in the studio that I can’t paint. I managed to tint two boards but nearly fainted from the smell of my low odor solvent. So, it’s a drawing day…
While I am waiting for the boards to dry, I am looking at putting this painting together
I am making a cradled board for the first time. Yes, the corners are not mitred but I can’t do it yet. #studio #strangeattractors